Awake

I lay awake tonight thinking about my life.  There are still things I want to do and places I want to go, but I have made poor choices in the past nineteen years and finances and health keep me from doing a lot of the things I want.  I have no one to blame but myself, although I am good at blaming other people.

I wonder if I can say I have lived well in my fifty-eight years?  I have done a lot of things, been a few places, raised two kids into adulthood, done a lot of volunteer work, and sometimes tried to live a life that was pleasing to Jesus.  I have hobbies and a small sewing business.  I plant and tend a decent size garden every year.  

I want to write.  I feel like I have insights that could be shared.  There are so many things I have been through that could be used as a cautionary tale for others.  Over the years I have started and stopped writing a book that I suppose will never be finished.  I have started and stopped several times in the writing of this blog.  I do write in my journal every morning, as a part of my time with Jesus.  I learned to journal about ten years ago when I was going through a difficult time.  I found great solace in writing all my feelings; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I realized that Jesus is bigger and stronger than all of my emotions and He was not surprised by any of them.  Writing has been therapeutic for me.  I will continue to write, if only for my own personal benefit, and pray that someone might be touched through this blog.