Pure Joy and Abandon

As I sat outside watching Mozzie and Ziggy roll with abandon and pure joy on a dead worm I wondered, what is my human equivalent to that kind of joy? I looked around and there was Butch doing the same in a different part of the yard.  Riley and Zoe were just as happy to be lying by my feet soaking up the sunshine.

It has taken some thought, but I thought of a few things.  When we lived in Henderson I would sit out on the patio on my swing during a storm and feel pure joy.  Just the motion of swinging, whether there was a storm or not, brought peace and joy to my heart.  Rain, thunder, and lightning excite me to no end.  I do not know why, they just do.  I feel energized and happy during a good storm.  Add the swing to the storm and I am in Heaven!  I miss my swing.

Baking and cooking make me happy, especially if it is something I love to eat.  Yesterday I baked the best Toll House cookies ever!  Today I found a recipe for Almond Roca and I had all the ingredients, so I made that.  I am still waiting for it to harden so I do not know if it will be good or not, but just looking at it sit on the counter makes me happy.  I am making chili for dinner tonight.  That makes me happy.  Last night Mike made twice baked potatoes from scratch.  They were delicious!  I was extremely happy!  Mike and I are both very good cooks and we love to eat, so now you know why we are chubby.

I love to scrapbook and make cards.  In 2008 I went through a very difficult time, the hardest I have ever encountered.  I spent that summer and the next year scrapbooking my youth up through David and Rebekah’s first years.  It reminded me that life has ups and downs and I have survived them all.  It was so therapeutic.  I have been dying to get everything unpacked now so that I can do some more scrapbooking (or at least find my albums so I can relive what I have already scrapbooked) because this year, especially the summer until present, has been especially traumatic.  But then I had to get a job and it seems all I do now is work, sleep, do school work, do laundry, and cook a little.  I keep telling myself that I will get to the point where I can create a scrapbook again, just be patient.

Ever since I learned to sew in eighth grade, I have LOVED it.  I made many dance and prom dresses, many of which I still have.  I made clothes for Mike and I and my nephew Paul when he was little.  I stopped for a while, but did make a few things for Bekah when she was little.  I have made costumes for my children and dogs.  I started doing more after my mom gave me her sewing machine.  I made burial layettes for women whose babies had died at birth.  I made a few little girls dresses and gave them to my brother’s step-granddaughter.  I made a holiday vest that I guess I will wear this year (if I can find it among the boxes) because everyone I know is much smaller than me and I made it in a size large.  I have sewn some craft items.  My friend, Cindy, and I got together one year and made pillowcases for our families, and each other, that Christmas.  My favorite thing I sewed was the fleece vest I made for my Mom her last year of life.  She loved it.  I now have it.  Mike and I took a quilting class together a few years ago and I have two partially sewn quilts that I would LOVE to finish!  I also have a partially made quilt of one of my great-grandmothers that my Mom gave me to finish.

I love to hold and play with and watch my dogs.  They make me laugh, they comfort me when I am sad, and they are a great distraction when life gets hard.  I love dogs so much that I gave a year and a half of my life to a wonderful Dachshund rescue, helping find dogs furever homes.

I love to knit.   I have made countless scarves and blankets and when everyone in my family had enough, I gave them to my church for the homeless.

As read back what I have written, I realized that I love to give.  All of the items I make, I give most of them away.  It brings so much joy to my heart to give to someone else.  I am hoping that someday soon, I will find the time to create and give again.  That way I can live again with the pure joy and abandon that I saw in my dogs this afternoon.

For those who do not understand…or care

For better or for worse, this is who I am.  I love my dogs and they love me.  I am their whole world and they are mine.  When you disrespect them, you disrespect me.  When I adopted/rescued them, they rescued me.  If you do not want them in your home, you have told me that you do not want me in your home.  I will live in a shed outside, or in a car, before I will allow you to disrespect them.  You may not think I am serious, but I am dead serious.

Having Doubts

Moving is a big deal for me; especially THIS move.  I am giving up so much, leaving so much behind.   It is not a move I have gone into lightly.  The decision has taken many months; almost a year!  I am fully aware what faces me in my future living conditions, which is why it has been such an excruciating decision.  I have bathed this decision in prayer and asked God to let me know, in no uncertain terms, if this is the right decision.  He has spoken to me in various ways over the months and has asked me to move forward in faith that this is the right decision.

I have had individuals who have questioned me and told me just how bad it will be and wonder why I would do such a thing.  I love these individuals and know that they love me and have my best interest at heart.  I appreciate their challenging me and questions.  At my best, I bring these challenges and questions before God so that He can give me answers, direction, and/or comfort.  He never disappoints.

At my worst, I freak out and get depressed, wondering WHY I am doing such a thing and WHY would God encourage it?  It is at these moments that God either lets me know clearly that He is in control, or He asks me to have faith in Him that He in is control.  Last night, He did both.  I read three different devotionals, by three different authors, every night; Scripture is always included in that reading.  After being questioned and told how difficult what I am going to do will be, once again, I was depressed and teary-eyed.  I got into bed and, though I did not feel like reading, I begrudgingly did so.  The following is what God had for me.

In the terrifying moments of life (and all the other moments as well) nothing can bring comfort to the hurting heart like the reality of God’s presence and care.  The psalmist David wrote, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” (Ps. 23:4)

When fear is overwhelming, the Lord is there.  His comforting presence will carry us through our deepest trials.—Bill Crowder (Our Daily Bread)

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll—

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

‘It is well, it is well with my soul’.  --Spafford

If we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit.  We must not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.  Galatians 5:25-26

No cycle—either of victory or defeat—is necessarily permanent as long as we dwell on the earth.  Our patterns or cycles can change and spiral up…or revert and spiral down.  Unfortunately, the Israelites did not abide in the freedom and prosperity of their Promised Land indefinitely.  The idolatry and disobedience that later led to Assyrian and Babylonian captivity grew from roots of prevailing unbelief.

You and I don’t have to follow suit.  The Spirit of the living Christ abides in us, bearing faithfulness as fruit.  We won’t walk in perfect faith for the rest of our lives, but we can walk in prevailing faith.  (Beth Moore, Believing God Day By Day, April 28)

Positively Possible

With men it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.  Mark 10:27

One of the best stories about how faith and confidence in God releases the power of potential took place centuries ago, when many parts of the ancient world were still unsettled.  God promised the people of Israel they would possess a rich and fertile country, known as Canaan.  He didn’t promise them they could step across its borders without opposition, but He did promise them they would inhabit it—and when God makes a promise, He means it.

Taking God at His word, the Israelites appointed twelve men to go into Canaan to “spy out the land” and bring back a report.  Upon their return, ten spies admitted that the land flowed with milk and honey, and acknowledged that the fruit in Canaan was large and beautiful, but then remarked that the land was full of giants who would be impossible to overcome.  They allowed the presence of the giants to detract from the promises of God.

In contrast, Joshua and Caleb brought back good reports, full of faith and confidence in God, and Caleb spoke up with confidence, saying, “Let us go up at once and possess it; we are all able to conquer it” (Num. 13:30).  The ten spies thought the giants in the land were too big to kill, but Joshua and Caleb thought they were too big to miss.  Joshua and Caleb were the only two men who were positive in the face of opposition from the giants.  They didn’t ignore the challenges. But they did not overemphasize them—and they were the only two who entered the Promised Land.

Being positive does not mean we deny the existence of difficulty; it means we believe God is greater than our difficulties.  Believing in God can cause us to win any battle we face.  When we are closed to “positive possibilities” we only see what is right in front of us, not what we could see if we would simply be positive and creative.

You can either be a “10-spy” or a 2-spy,” but you can’t be both.  10-spys trust what they see; 2-spys trust the God of the impossible even when they can’t see Him.  Choose to be a 2-spy today!  (Joyce Meyer, Trusting God Day By Day, April 28)

I am still uncertain of what my future will hold, but God has shown me that not only do I not need to know the details, but I might not want to know the details ahead of time!  Yes, I feel fear about the future, but I know God has decided that this move is what He wants.  He has sent His blessings on ahead and they are waiting for me to go and claim them!

Saying Goodbye to the Rescue

In only three more days, I am officially done with the rescue.  I have let them know I will be available for phone calls, if they have a question or just want to talk, but I will be done going to events and acting as the Adoption Coordinator.  I tell myself that I understand that it is simply time to move on, and there will be good things waiting for me in the future.  I have done my best to focus on the positive and minimize the negative.  Then I get a call, or a text, or I look at the website and I am crushed, once again.  That happened tonight, and the tears fell. 

What goes around comes around

It is an old saying, yet it still holds water.   In my life I have been its victim and I have witnessed others being its victim.  God’s word tells us that we can be certain that our sins will find us out.  It may be quickly, or it may be years; but it will happen. 

I just found out that someone who has spent his career with my husband’s employer doing his best to belittle others and bring them down is lying in a bed in the hospital with cancer.  They do not think he will make it.  I pray that he will find salvation before he dies, but I am finding it difficult to have compassion.  Evil people deserve what they get; right?  I had my myriad of flaws and I ‘got it’ in spades!  No one but God, and not even a handful of people, cared.  I know that God cares about this man.  There might be a handful of people in his life who care; but from what I have witnessed, I think he alienated most people.  I know others in my life who have done their best to either destroy or neglect me will be the victim of the old saying.  God is in charge of vengeance.  I am so glad about that, because only He can do it right to get the best end result.

I am glad I “got” what was coming to me because God used it to do so much in my life!  It was horrible while I was going through it, but now I see how God spoke to me and changed me; and I thank Him for it.