For many years, I have longed for a life of simplicity. When I had children, I hoped to be a
stay-at-home mom so I could focus on my children and teach them the things of
God. God encouraged me to homeschool my
children with a faith-based curriculum, so I did. The first 3 years, I struggled because I was
not sure of myself and I got frustrated.
I enrolled my kids in a small Christian school, eventually becoming a
substitute teacher, and God showed me that my expectations were too high with
homeschooling and that even schools don’t get the entire curriculum taught in a
year. Three years later, I began
homeschooling again, this time through a different Christian school that acted
as an umbrella of safety and help. This
is where life became hectic, but still fulfilling.
My children had extra classes they could take at this
Christian school, including P.E. and Band.
There were enrichment classes put on by the parents. There were social times. Aside from that, my children had their
sports: Soccer and Softball. Every
Sunday evening I sat with the lesson plans for the week and wrote out a
detailed schedule. We had to keep to
that schedule or everything would fall apart.
Yet, we still found time to spend with my parents and
family. Every Friday night we met
Grandma and Papa at Roma’s Pizzeria. We
had at least one family gathering a month at my parent’s house to celebrate
something, but often there were 2-3.
When my brother’s children became involved in the softball league, our
time was even more crunched, so we would sometimes celebrate a birthday at the
ball park.
This tightly scheduled life worked, but even as I sit here
thinking about it, I don’t know how except for God’s grace! Then we moved to Henderson, Nevada, a five
hour drive from home and family. Aside from
the many visits home to see the family, we had little to do. My children were in their teens now and
suffering without friends. They had been
involved in AWANA back home, so we searched for an AWANA program in Henderson
that had a high school program. There
was one on the other side of Las Vegas that we drove to once a week, until we
found out that one of the leaders was caught having inappropriate relations
with a student! So we looked closer to
home. We found a small Baptist church
that had AWANA clubs up through junior high, so we asked if we could do a “homeschool”
version for our son since he was in high school. They said yes. This went well enough that the next year
there were a few other students interested, so I became the director for the
high school program.
In addition to church and AWANA, once my children found friends,
we hosted many parties. We had a
swimming pool, so that was a natural place for the parties. We hosted “How to Solve a Murder” parties, birthday
parties for my children, along with some for children’s new friends, and
get-togethers for holidays. Life became
busy again. Our daughter played a season
of soccer in Henderson, but decided that playing in a sport was no longer her ‘thing’.
Then the children graduated from high school, got jobs, went
to college/vocational school, and I had nothing to do except ‘mother’ our three
Cocker Spaniels. I tried various things
including a sewing group at church that sewed layettes for babies of poor
mothers who died at birth, a knitting group, and women’s Bible study. These were all very good things, but I felt
as though I was simply waiting to grow old and die. So I got a part-time job at a department
store, which I loved.
In September 2007, our lives were turned upside down when I
told my husband he needed to get help for his drinking or get out. He had been drinking progressively more heavily
since 1983, but once we moved to Henderson, the drinking became far worse. He found a man who claimed to be a Christian
counselor and the family started ‘therapy’.
This man tore our family apart. Our
son and his wife separated, our son stopped speaking to me for a couple of
years, our daughter was told she had to move out of our home in order to help
her dad’s recovery, and I was told I had to quit my job in order because my
husband was suicidal and needed my constant supervision. My sister stopped speaking to me, as
well. This man manipulated us into
giving him much money, in addition to the tens of thousands of dollars required
for counseling sessions for all of us, including our son and his wife.
We found out this ‘counselor’ hated women, told me that I was
possessed by demons, did not have a real counseling degree, but one he
purchased online, was on his third marriage, abused all of his wives and
children, and had moved all over the United States conning people out of
thousands of dollars and making many enemies.
We finally cut ties with this man, but he held influence over our son
for a long time in order to hurt me further.
That influence over our son lasted until October 2010, when my
mom found out where our son was working.
He had moved back to California in February 2008. My mom insisted that she and I go to his
place of business to see him. We did,
but I stayed back because I was terrified of being hurt again. My mom waved me over and I hugged my son. It took a few years, but we are
reconciled.
Although my husband stopped drinking during the initial phase
of ‘counseling’, when he realized the lies the man was telling us and the
destruction that happened to our family, he began drinking again, with a
vengeance. I chose to sell my beautiful
car in order help pay off a few of the bills incurred through this ‘counseling’. I rarely went anywhere and when I did, often
I would have to turn around and come right back home because of panic attacks. If I did manage to get to a store I used
retail therapy to make myself feel better and spent way too much money.
In January, 2011, my husband was admitted to the hospital for
congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, high blood pressure, and a large
portion of his heart was dead. He had
open heart surgery to replace the atrial valve and remove the dead portion of
his heart and was in the hospital for seventeen days. Throughout the remainder of 2011 he was
rushed to the hospital for various reasons relating to his initial hospital
stay, including a serious staph infection and a 9 cm aneurysm that was close to
rupturing. Yet, he continued drinking
heavily.
That year two of my beloved Cocker Spaniels died from
cancer. I was bereft. I needed something to do with my time besides
shop. I had forced myself to get out of
the house by selling Avon in my neighborhood and that was helping, but I needed
more. So I began fostering for a Dachshund
Rescue. During the split of my son and
his wife in 2008, we gained custody of their precious dachshund and we love him
so much! I wanted to do something to
help rescue dogs. I ended up becoming
the Adoption Coordinator and, because it required so much traveling all over
the Las Vegas valley, we bought a second car.
I had found my purpose in life. I
fostered dozens of sweet dogs and ‘only’ foster-failed with three of them,
adopting them for my own. I realized that
I no longer had panic attacks in public and could carry on a conversation with
anyone about these amazing rescue dogs.
I even was able to speak in front of a group of people about my job as
the Adoption Coordinator without being at all nervous! Contrary to the ‘counselor’s opinion of me, I
was NOT worthless or demon possessed; I was simply beaten down and needed to be
built up. I continued going to college
during this time and most weeks spent more than forty hours at this volunteer
job and put over 300 miles a week on my car; but I LOVED it!
In 2012, my mom died.
The ‘counselor’ must have found out because he sent us a letter of
intention to sue us for slander for $500,000, through his lawyer. We laughed when we got the letter for several
reasons. My mom did not have $500,000;
even her house was not worth that because of the property value crash in 2007;
we did not inherit anything because my dad was, and is, still alive; and we had
NO money, were far behind on our mortgage, and owned nothing of real
value. My husband called the lawyer,
explaining this and that anything we might have said against this ‘counselor’
was all fact and could be backed up by witnesses. We never heard from him again.
In 2013, we lost our home in Henderson through a short
sale. We made no money through the sale
and even lost some; and were forced to file bankruptcy. My dad said, “Come live with me in this big
empty house,” so my husband quit his job, we packed everything up, and moved in
with Dad. Within 3 days, we knew it was
a mistake. Dad complained about
everything we did and owned including our dogs, which he had agreed to allow us
to bring. We stayed outside, or in our
two bedrooms, all day because he didn’t want the dogs in the house. Without the agreement that our dogs could
live in the house with us, we would have never moved to his house in
California. I lived in fear from his
anger and violence for almost four weeks; then, the dogs and I moved back to
Las Vegas with our daughter. My husband stayed
with my dad while continuing to look for a job.
There were no jobs in California, going back to his job in Las Vegas was
out of the question, so he broadened his horizons and looked all over the
country. Four and a half weeks later, my
husband drove to Las Vegas, collected me and the dogs and we made a three-day
trek halfway across the country to a new job, new home (although rented), and a
new life. We left behind everyone we
loved, everything we knew, and half of our many possessions. Too many of the possessions we had left were
broken in the Pod we rented for the move.
I desperately missed, and still do, my children!
If you have never tried moving halfway across the country and
living in a Motel 6 for 8 days with five dogs, trust me, it is not fun. By the third day in the car, I lost my mind
and used Rescue Remedy every two hours to drug the puppy because he did nothing
but whine and cry the whole way. The
other four dogs were mostly fine. On the
last day of living in the motel, I had a nervous breakdown. I cried, shook uncontrollably, could hardly
speak and screamed when I did. Then, God
found us the perfect home with a huge backyard for the dogs to run around
in. The only problem: my husband took a 50% paycut for this job. We lived paycheck to paycheck and still there
was not enough money, so I got angry and got a job.
I don’t mind working; in fact, I now like being around other
people and the physical activity. But I
had to work around my husband’s hours because I didn’t want to leave the dogs
alone for hours on end. So my husband
and I rarely saw each other. I worked
20-30 hours a week and was still going to college. No matter how hard I tried to keep on top of
finances, we would end up with late fees and overdraft charges and payday loans
every week. Then, in March 2014, my
husband had to be taken to the hospital from work for emergency surgery; he had
a gangrenous gall bladder. I called in
sick and the manager said she completely understood. When I went back to work, I was written up
for not showing up. My next work shift I
got to work, but had a major attack in my car.
I could not get myself to get out of the car, so I called my husband and
he told me to go home. I quit my
job. And finances got better! After much prayer, we determined that God wanted
me to simply stay home, manage the finances and finish college.
We survived this way, although it was still difficult. I graduated unceremoniously from college, and
expected to get a job. However, by then,
my emotional state was that of having PTSD from all we had gone though since
2007. We decided that I would remain at
home and, against my wishes, my husband got a second job. He was already working 54-60 hours a week at
his regular job. He was constantly
exhausted and in pain and angry, and our finances got bad again. After two months I told him he had to quit. The money he earned was not helping and his
health was suffering! Oddly enough,
finances got better and we determined it was a God-thing for me to stay home
and for my husband to work the one job.
I grew a huge garden both summers we lived in that house God
provided and it helped tremendously with our food bill. I was amazed at how much food we received and
how easy it is to garden in the Midwest, through God’s grace. God used the gardening in summer and the
beauty of the snow in winter to cause me to love where He had planted me. Money was still tight and we lived paycheck
to paycheck, but I learned to love it here.
At the end of July, 2015, I got a call from the property
manager saying that the owners of the house wanted to sell it and we would have
to be out by September first. Initially,
I was very calm about it. But I had
begun an online auction to sell many of my small things to help pay for vet
bills and I was in the middle of that; and I had an order of ten teddy bears
from my online Etsy store I was in the middle of sewing. I had to do all of the house-searching and
packing by myself because my husband worked so many hours. I spent hours online looking for houses in our
town and several close-by towns, including a neighboring state. Then I took one day and drove to all the
houses I liked to whittle the list down to ones I really liked. By God’s grace
and mercy, I only had one serious meltdown through this time. Half way into
August I had packed very little, but concluded my auction, shipped the completed
bears, and found a little house on the other side of town. God
provided almost exactly the amount of our vet bills through the auction and the
sale of the ten bears, but we had to borrow money from my Dad for the
move. He got angry about it and I got
angry back, telling him we were in this position because of his false promise
to give us a home while we started fresh in 2013. Now I only hear from him when I call him
every two weeks.
The final two weeks in our previous home were spent packing,
cleaning, and moving boxes into the new house, which we took possession of on
August 20th. This part I did by
myself. On moving day, August 29th,
we had two young kids (18 & 19 years of age) from my husband’s job help us
move. We could not have done it without
them! By the end of the day we still had
half a truck to unload and my husband could no longer stand on his feet. We made him sit while we finished, then we
ate pizza (the standard moving fare, it seems) and the kids went home. I made up makeshift beds in our new house
that is almost half the size (810 sq. ft., one-story, with no basement) of the
house we just moved out of (over 1500 sq. ft., two-story, with a basement and
two-car garage). We could barely move in
the house and the one-car garage was packed full. We still had packing and cleaning that took
all of the next two days and we had no help to do it. We felt like zombies.
When looking for a new place to move, I had a set rental price
($424 less than what we were paying) that I was determined not to exceed, even
if it meant living in a fairly bad area.
Again, through God’s grace and bargaining with the homeowner, I managed
to hit that target price on the nail, and the neighborhood isn’t too bad. Because this house is so tiny, it costs much
less to cool and heat, as well. I was
determined to lessen the amount we spend each month and pray that my online
store would do well. My store saw no
business until a month ago and I am now kept busy sewing teddy bears. I pray it continues after the holidays so I
can begin paying off my student loans.
The official day of moving, my husband got a call from the
owner of the business he works for offering him a promotion and a modest pay
raise! We were excited! We believe God was blessing our hard work and
still is. My husband loves the new
challenge and I love the uptick in business from my store.
I am struggling with a bit of claustrophobia in this tiny
house. We bump into each other and furniture and dogs all the time. I try to use those times as opportunities to
thank God, again, for providing the perfect house and a better financial
situation for us. Shortly after we moved
in, my car’s brakes got bad and I was sidelined. Then the battery died. The car sits in the garage until we can save
enough to fix it and we share my husband’s car.
The back yard at the new house is about one-third, or less, than the old
back yard, but I think I will still be able to grow a nice garden. We are closer in proximity to neighbors on
every side, so there is not as much open space or sunshine that hits the yard,
so it will be a bit more of a struggle, but I am looking forward to seeing how
God blesses my gardening efforts. I
struggle with what my mother used to call ‘houseitis’ because I don’t get out
of the house very often, but God is good and is using this time to draw me ever
closer to Him.
We have had a difficult life, but have also had some good
times. The only good thing that came out
of the time spent at my dad’s house was that my husband quit drinking for good
and refueled his relationship with Christ.
Seeing how my dad was opened my husband’s eyes to how he could become if
he did not seriously seek God daily and quit drinking. God pulled the rug out from underneath us in
2013, but we seriously needed it to happen.
We both thank Him for the lessons learned and for surviving thus far.
